"Why the hell are you doing that?"
When a friend asks this, I have at least two potential responses:
1) Yeah, you're right, nevermind. I'll stop.
or
2) Hmm. Good question.
We tend to reflect on our decisions only when prompted; much of the time we use automatic stimulus/response to the world. If there is any perceived hostility in the prompt (why are you doing that? vs why the heck are you doing that?!), we may be more likely to respond by stopping the behavior/choice/direction we're moving, the same way we respond to "watch out!"
However, sometimes we surround ourselves with really good friends who support us in a less judgy way as we navigate through the world, authentically following our inner voices, working through the details of our lives. These friends prompt us in a way that doesn't provoke the first response/avoidance--that honors our decisions while nudging us to be able to explain our reasons, to create the narrative of our life in a way that makes sense, has coherence.
I love this! A good friend gives support. A great friend helps us see our value. Judgment isn't necessary when a friend has decided to love us for who we are rather than who they want us to be. And we always have the power to decide how to respond. You've given us a lot to think about.
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