We got two kittens from the humane society--brothers--who are shy and need human socializing.
When we met them at the human society, one of them didn't even come out of the crate--just trembled and hissed.
I've been socializing these kittens, and it's reminding me of all sorts of things I used to know about positive and negative reinforcement, about how to change behaviors, which seemed like a big part of my job as a middle school teacher.
I think about parents who feel out of control in their parenting--they don't' have the ability or the authority to reinforce positive behaviors or extinguish negative behaviors. In fact, some parents reinforce racist and bigoted behaviors and extinguish empathic behaviors. (Article/Book about nice white parents, school choice, nice stuff for white kids but not for other kids, so white kids get advantage, encouraging a sense of entitlement and impunity) (JG: The white world is guarded--don't hear white people talking about this world re equity) (Keep secrets, hidden info, twisted the situation, xenophobia--don't want to have diversity actually, just as a brand enhancement but not the actual work/investment to enact the vision)
Socializing feral kittens has been a master class in paying attention to small indications/gestures, helping someone feel safe, recognizing when it's not a good time, tiny celebrations of building trust. It's so easy to lose trust with one action. Relationships are built with hundreds of positive interactions which build predictability, acknowledgement and even affection.
Things I am remembering:
1. Relationships are built on repeated contact.
1.a. Repeated contact requires recognition of an event. Shared acknowledged recognition of another being, a head nod, a per bow, a "how you doin'?" --these behaviors begin to acknowledge reality by recognizing beings in your environment. Human people, pets, animals, plants, birds, rocks, trees--whatever you perceive. Amplify them by acknowledging them. Eye contact, a smile, wave. A finger-raise from the steering wheel--you recognize it when someone recognizes/acknowledges you. That's the first part of my work. Seeing and recognizing the beings in my path, in my ecosystem, flowing through the Market.
2. Consistency. Every time. We build our integrity through every individual interaction with ourselves, our thoughts/feelings and other beings.
3. Learn the names. Learn first names or preferred terms of address of people in your sphere. Learn the many names they may have. Do the same with plants and birds.
Clerks at the store with nametags--try using their name in your interaction: "Thank you, Carol. Have a good day". Start simple.
Get brave and introduce yourself to "regulars" in your life--delivery people, people in your neighborhood.
4. Part of our problems communicating is that we look past people in our immediate environment because their are different from us, especially white-identifying people.
Look AT people, not past them.
Drive through service workers--yes, they are also people. Greet them. Say thank you. Make eye contact. ffs. Human--they're a fellow human. Celebrate that by smiling or nodding or making eye contact or bowing or waving--a gesture of recognition, a ritual of integration. Namaste--hello--hi, I see you.
CONSENT: fearful kittens do not consent to interactions with scary people. How to build trust on the road to consent? Lots of interactions based in good will, paying attention to their needs, pushing them ever so gently to become bold and brave. To enact their innate curiosity requires a baseline sense of safety. When they first came to us, the smaller one JiJi hid from us. When I would inch closer, he'd hiss and growl. He came with an upper respiratory infection and meds, and we had to "force" them into the kitty--grab with a towel, fill the syringe, get as much as we can into his mouth. It was awful. Within a day we figured out what food they liked and was able to mix the medicine into the food, making it much less traumatic. Over the next several hours and days, I worked to create conditions for JiJi to feel safe and secure, gradually inching closer and closer during feeding and resting and playing. There's still a way to go, and perhaps he'll never be a gregarious kitty who approaches strangers. However, I love that he's allowing pets and purring <3
[I'm using these posts to help me organize ideas/get feedback from my co-writers--forgive their incompleteness/errors as they are process tools]
No comments:
Post a Comment