Unfinished business

The #metoo movement has me revisiting unfinished business.

The "let go of your anger so you don't destroy the vessel" advice that got me through tough times did enable me to survive them, but now that I'm out of danger (for now) I'm revisiting the anger.

Sexual assault. Sexual harassment.

I was telling someone the broader story of my career and he said "why aren't you furious?"

Oh god.  Being furious is paralyzing when the fury does nothing but destroy the vessel.

So furious. And also, yoga and herbal tea and writing and organizing and building the world I want.  Investing my energies where it is most productive.  Walking in beauty.  Greeting the day with joy.

And also, I no longer care to think charitably on ambiguous behavior by men.  Years ago a male faculty colleague of mine told me about one of his students having an abortion.  I thought, wow, he must have a really good classroom dynamic and rapport with his students that they feel so comfortable talking with him about their personal lives!  And now, thinking back, I'm not sure he wasn't the cause of that pregnancy.  I'm bracing myself to learn every man I know, my father, my brother, close friends, my exes, my boyfriend--all of them may have a story which will come to light.

Baseball metaphor of "getting to first base" treats women as the playing field.  I suggest men compare their RBI stats as well--assisting a partner to an orgasm.